On the Topic of Comparison

"Pride is the great sin--not the thought of being good looking or rich or smart, but better looking, richer, or smarter." -C.S. Lewis

For me, the subject of pride has always been a very sore spot. When I was a child, I constantly had to be reminded that the world didn't revolve around me. (Someone really should have taught me about Galileo sooner!) I have always been very headstrong. I refused to wear pants until I was nearly 11, as I wanted to dress like a princess and only wear skirts and dresses. (Fun fact: that's also why I have such long hair. My mom didn't know what she was doing when she let me onto fairy tales as a child...for which I am most grateful. I blame Cinderella for the dresses and Rapunzel for the hair, if you must know.)

I've known from a fairly young age exactly what I want to do with my life. As could be assumed, I want to work with stories. I have always loved stories. You could tell which board books had belonged to me and which ones had belonged to my brother when we were babies. Mine were well-chewed. I can truthfully say that I devoured books before I even read them. Anyway, I've pretty much always just known that I want to work with art and stories. Before I knew that, however, I knew that I wanted to be a saint, which leads us to the topic mentioned in the title: comparison.

As a child, I grew up reading as much on the saints as I possibly could. I was the kid that, if you had a question on a saint, I'd probably have the answer. (I need to get back to that!) While that was a very good thing, it was also slightly problematic. I noticed that all of the saints either a) joined religious orders, b) were martyred, c) had immensely difficult marriages, or d) lived lives that otherwise didn't sound all that appealing to Little Ella. Little Ella became quite discouraged.

The discouragement lasted years, and Little Ella aged some in years, but unfortunately, she was still confused. As the saints lived lives of great penance, how could I hope to ever join them in Heaven? I loved God and wanted to live a life that would honor Him, but I wondered: would that mean denying any hope for happiness here, in this life?

I will have you know that this summer has sufficiently cleared my head.

You see, while I had a vast knowledge of the saints, I had practically no knowledge about God's love. I have had some struggles with scruples since age 12, so (while I have no trouble in seeing God's justice) it is hard to realize that He is also merciful. He loves us so much that He has designed a special plan for each soul He creates. A plan that, if the soul chooses to follow it, will lead to perfect happiness with Him in Heaven. Being a good Father, He loves us so much that He gives us the freedom to choose to a) be smart and follow His plan sooner rather than later or b) take the long way 'round. I have finally realized that happiness here doesn't have to be denied for happiness there.

This summer has been hard for me, yes, but honestly, I am happier now than I was last spring. I had been struggling with anxiety and depression for a few years (I think) without acknowledging that there was anything wrong or that I might need help. My parents tried to convince me that I should get help, but my strong-will showed the nasty side of its nature. When I got sick, I finally surrendered and let myself receive some psychological help. So, my anxiety has been lessened, and now, I can think and see things more clearly. As I have less worry over things, I have less scruples and can feel closer to God. As captured by photographs, the eyes of the saints are filled with joy. Although they may endure great suffering, their closeness to God brings them joy. Their love for God allows them to feel happiness here, which is only made greater there.

When Our Lady told St. Bernadette that she could not promise her happiness in this world but in the next, she meant happiness in worldly terms. I didn't get that for so long. I thought that Mary was saying that we should expect to feel miserable for the whole of our earthly lives, if there is to be much hope of Heaven for us. Oh dear...I can be such a fool.

Anyway. Back to the quote from the beginning of the post. As with the subject of God's love, I have always been confused on the subject of pride. In the process of growing up, I've gone through the developmental highs and lows of teenage confidence. Prime example: Daughter of Kings. When I was 14 (or so), I thought that I was the greatest young writer to grace the world of literature with my work. When I was 15, I thought that I was the worst writer on the face of the planet. The writing in question was the same story. Now, at age 16, I have come to realize that I was a bit off on either end of the scale, though I'd say, "While, yes, Daughter of Kings is a good book, it is no better than all of the other good books out there. It tells a good story, but it was written by a child, so it lacks the depth that can be found in great works of literature." (I must confess that I aspire to write a great work of literature.)

Now, at age 16, I have realized that pride is not acknowledging that you are good at something and humility is not saying that you are terrible at that same thing. Pride is saying that you are better or best at something and humility is acknowledging that others are good or better at that thing. Note: if acknowledging that someone else is better is really a way of saying that you're worse, that isn't humility. That's just beating yourself up and hoping that you get a halo.

As God gifts each person with unique individuality, comparison to others is really just irrelevant. As Aslan says to Lucy in the movie, Prince Caspian, "Things never happen twice, dear one."

As I know writing, I'm going to emphasize this with an example from the writing world. The 20th century produced some amazing Catholic authors. J.R.R. Tolkien, Flannery O'Connor, and Meriol Trevor are all examples. JRRT wrote deep fantasy novels, FOC wrote moving short stories, and MT wrote children's books that were among my absolute favorites. All three were Catholic writers that filled a different niche. Their work cannot be held up side-by-side and compared as JRRT vs. FOC vs. MT. That would be like taking a fish, a turtle, and a frog out of the river and debating which one is best. All three live in the same water and their purpose to the ecosystem may overlap, but they are all different and one is not better than the other two.

It's the same way with people. God doesn't play favorites. He doesn't have the archangels stand before  His throne and try to decide if He likes St. Michael, St. Raphael, or St. Gabriel best. No. That would be absurd. He created each of them with a distinct purpose, just as He made each of us. If God doesn't compare us, what makes us think that we can compare ourselves with each other?

The only comparisons that a person can make is a comparison of himself with himself. Specifically, he can only ask himself, "Am I closer to God than I was yesterday? Am I becoming more of the person that He created me to be?"

I ask that you close your eyes now and promise to try to let that be the only comparison you will ever draw with human things. (I encourage you to make a practice of asking yourself the above questions, so that you can focus on personal/spiritual growth, which will make it easier to feel happy, even when life situations aren't perfect.)

I found a prayer on Catholic.org that I would like to ask each of you to just read-through.

O Great Saint Joseph, you were completely obedient to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Obtain for me the grace to know the state of life that God in His providence has chosen for me. Since my happiness on earth, and perhaps even my final happiness in heaven, depends on this choice, let me not be deceived in making it. 
Obtain for me the light to know God's Will, to carry it out faithfully, and to choose the vocation which will lead me to a happy eternity.

If you want to find more on how to grow personally/spiritually, I would advise you check out Dynamic Catholic. Matthew Kelly is an amazing author who focuses on this subject: https://dynamiccatholic.com

Week 1: Portraits of Papa

Hello! It's been awhile since I've said anything on here, but I have been doing well. I just haven't thought of any topics that I've felt like discussing on here. So...I thought that perhaps this blog could be brought back to its original purpose that I had devised for it back in...2016? The original reason I had set this blog up was so that I could have a place to share progress on projects that I'm working on. Anyway.

My family started up our school year last Friday, as my brother's high school had orientation for freshman that day. The younger two boys and I are homeschooling again this year. The boys are using Seton Home Study School, but I'm taking one class through Homeschool Connections, another through local homeschool group, as well as completing various projects that my mom assigns to me according to my personal interests. So, I'm getting a new taste of homeschool this year, which is fun.

One category of said projects is art. I have been drawing portraits for a few years, and I absolutely love seeing a face appear on the page beneath my pencil and (with luck and shading) take on a decently realistic appearance. I find it very fulfilling. As my grandpa's birthday was last week, my mom gave me the assignment of drawing him a portrait.

My Mom's Two Favorite Beards

This reference image for this picture had been captured when my family was riding our pontoon on the Mississippi River. Grandpa was sitting beside our cockapoo dog, Bosco, and both of their beards were blowing in the wind. It was a bit of a challenge to draw a side portrait and to draw so much hair, but I really enjoyed it!

Reindeer Suit

Last week, I hadn't been quite sure if I was happy with how the Beards drawing turned out. So, to play it safe, I decided to make two portraits for Grandpa. This picture was taken at Christmas. My family had given him a reindeer pajama suit, and my mom had captured his amused expression in the reference picture. As this is closer to the style of portrait that I usually draw, it was a bit easier...in one sense. It was also harder, though, as I had to draw a LOT more hair than usual...and I really had to work to capture Grandpa's features. My mom isn't an easy critic when it comes to capturing her dad's face on the page! Eventually, however, I was able to meet her (and thus my!) standards with this picture.

Grandpa loved both drawings! It made me so happy to see his smile when I showed them to him and my grandma. As much as I enjoyed making these pictures, it was even better to present them, especially since my grandpa loves art. Very, very rewarding!

On Summer Nights' Dreams

Dream. What does that word mean to you? To me, a dream is a thought that kindles either a whimsical, happy feeling, a sense of deep nostalgia...or both of them all at once. To the dictionary-minded folk, the word dream can mean a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal.

As exemplified by the video above, everyone has dreams. Some are practical, some are amusing, some are surprising, and some are inspiring. What is your dream? If you had to describe it with one word, what would that word be? For me, the word would be art. To realistically capture the human spirit in both tales and drawings...that is my dream.

Are you pursuing your dream? I sure hope so...as I know that you are more than capable of doing whatever it is that you so desire. I assume that you naturally have some arguments to that, but let me remind you that, in the 21st century, we have the necessary resources to do anything we set our hearts and minds too. It's just a matter of seeing it that way. :)

Let me elaborate...for three years now, I have worked at my dream. I have a published novella and a folder full of lovely drawings to show for it. I also have countless (I have literally lost count) abandoned drafts and rather sorry-looking drawings stashed away in the deepest and darkest corners of my computer and dresser drawer. I wouldn't call those failures, however. They are landmarks on the pathway to the success of seeing my goals fulfilled.

That's not to say that they haven't felt like failures at times. I have cried in frustration and wanted to cast every pencil, journal, and sketchbook I have into the woods SO many times. But I couldn't quit, much less destroy every trace of having even tried to go after my goals. Why? Because I had a dream. I had to pursue it...to whatever end.

That being said, I want you to find your dream and I want you to pursue it...to whatever end. There may be hardships along the way, but when you reach milestones, look back, and see how far you have come, you will realize that the tears and headaches don't really matter anymore. In the grand scheme of things, you will realize that all of the hardships wouldn't compare to the consequences of giving up on your dream. That, in the end, pain is only temporary...but glory is forever.

So, just humor me. Find your dream, if you haven't already, and try pursuing it. Start small, and don't underestimate yourself. Even if it seems absolutely ridiculous, find something that makes your soul sing and do it. The world may laugh...but the laughter is only a feeble attempt to silence the soul's cry for more, for a song composed when the heart and mind unite to find joy and purpose in one's life.

On a different (yet related) note, I wanted to talk for a minute about living a life of sanctity. At times, it seems like living virtuously in this modern day and age is a physical impossibility. However, upon examining the lives of individuals, such as Pope Saint John Paul II, Mother Teresa, St. Therese of Lisieux, Blessed Chiara Badano, and Venerable Carlo Acutis, it becomes clear that this isn't the case.

Pursuing virtue goes hand-in-hand with pursuing dreams, as they require the same sort of things. A need for perseverance and an attitude that doesn't care what others think are the first things that come to my mind. Both also require courage, as the way is both narrow and lined with obstacles. But the end result is also the same: joy. Upon looking at the images and words of these holy souls, this is clear.

True joy comes from Christ and can carry one through any trial that life throws at you. True joy comes from picking up our crosses and following Christ as best we can. A final parallel that I found between pursuing sanctity and one's dreams is that you can (and should) start small, so as to avoid burnout. The saints themselves clearly emphasize this point.

Also, as I wrote this out by my family's pool, this song happened to play. I thought that the words were rather on-topic, so I decided to include it in this post...as a sort-of send-off, I suppose.

On the Subject of Fairy Tales

 J.M.J.

     I suppose I have had a busy week. In addition to the chaos of daily life, catching up with cousins, trying to continue my current novel project, testing new ideas with drawing, and trying to read up on the Middle Ages and King Arthur, I've also managed to throw a minor landscaping fantasy into the mix. That is what summer is for, though, correct? Catching up on all the hobbies missed during the school year? Anyway, the minor landscaping fantasy has become what my family and I refer to as my "fairy tale garden." (I call it "minor" as we have had far more major landscaping fantasies...such as adding around 100 lilies to a hillside in our yard last summer, among other things...)

     If you have ever spoken to me and gotten me onto the topic of stories, chances are that you have gathered that I have a slight obsession with fantasy, fairy tales, and mythology. I remember reading the C. S. Lewis quote that states "Someday, you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again." I have always wondered how that someday will come if one is never young enough to stop reading fairy tales in the first place. Perhaps that dreadful first someday never comes for certain children. Perhaps.

     When I was younger, I loved fairy tales for the princess' beautiful dresses and long hair. Essentially, I loved them for the delight and enchantment. I loved them for the fairy. As I grew older, I loved fairy tales for those same things and also for the happy little story they wove. I remember reading Grimm's fairy tales when I was 9 or 10. They were dark at certain points, yes, but each one ended with the words happily ever after. Perhaps it was then that I began to love fairy tales for the tale. Now that I am older still, I see that fairy tales carry something to them that is sorely lacking in the majority of modern literature. There is an element of beauty, goodness, and truth (the three pillars of meaningful art) that is hard to find in modern children's entertainment. For instance, I found that the the whimsical, carefree, delightful air felt in movies such as Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty or even Tangled cannot so easily be found in recent children's entertainment such as Ice Age, The Incredibles, or Despicable Me. There is nothing wrong with watching and enjoying the more recent entertainment. I enjoy watching all of those movies with my younger brothers, who may or may not only watch the latter set of movies with me, but I am always worried that they will catch some reference that has no place in a film targeted for such a young audience. It feels as if the writers behind the big-screen stories lack confidence in the story that they are trying to tell, and so, they feel the need to throw in camouflaged adult jokes to ensure that there will be an audience, at all. The stories would be so much more without those attempts at laughs.

     Anyway, I have always been drawn to elements from fairy tales. Last spring, I tried to read J.R.R. Tolkien's essay "On Fairy-Stories." It did not work so well, however, to only try reading it either late at night in bed or at play rehearsal on account of having to do schoolwork. What I did manage to read solidified my thoughts and feelings towards fairy-tales. I quite enjoyed it, and now that school is through, perhaps I should try to finish...

     I think that is a sufficient introduction to the topic of yours truly and fairy tales. With recent book sales from Daughter of Kings and the nature of the chaos in my life, I took the liberty to take my love for fairy tales and to execute a somewhat crazy, somewhat thought-out plan in my family's yard. My mom was kind enough to let me have the "Prime Real Estate," also known as the lovely little patch of earth between the house and the pool. (I had thought that if I was lucky maybe, just maybe, the little story realm could find a home with the corn and pumpkins?)

Here it is...from left to right (according to the kitchen window)

The Gnome: From the ankle length beard to the ladybug on his leaf hat, Sir Gnome is the perfect little fellow to greet visitors and welcome them to the little garden. I have no idea what the bushy thing is. My mom planted that last summer. We planted thyme on one side of Sir Gnome and some hummingbird plant that my youngest brother insisted on getting my dad for Father's Day (and that he knows the name of it by heart...it starts with H and has multiple syllables...that's all I caught...)

The Storybook: What better way to say fairy tale than to have several fairytale-ish elements springing from the pages of an open book? Elfin thyme was planted all around this decoration. Another bush-thingy and a rock from the woods (from last summer) complete the look. 

The Fairy-Girl: My personal favorite. I decided to place the fairy by the moss from last summer. I love moss...it is kind of ridiculous. So anyway, I thought I would put my favorite decoration with my favorite of the already present plants. Another hummingbird plant was put next to her. (This one is the "second brightest in all the land." The brightest, unfortunately, was not photographed.) I have no idea what the other two flower types are called (I call them "pretty"), but they looked perfect and they can supposedly survive full sunlight. ;)

The Little House: I thought this was cute. It carried the "leafy cap" theme from Sir Gnome, and with the yellow paint on the windows of the hut, it is easy to imagine a little fairytale inhabitant inside. ;) There was a small patch of moss from last summer, already, so my mom planted the thyme on the other side of the house. Some little pink flowers were planted behind the house and ground covers. 

The Dragon: The personal favorite of my dad and brothers. (My personal second favorite!) He has some thyme planted on one side and the "palest hummingbird plant in all the land" on the other side. Yesterday, when my family and I bought all of the plants, we found some lilies that I thought would be quite suitable for a baby dragon's napping area. 

Little Brother Bonus: Bob the Mud Guy

For whatever reason, my younger brother decided that the clay dirt in my family's yard is just the thing to sculpt with. He also decided that no fairy tale garden is complete without a Mud Guy. So, he gathered as much clay as he could (without my mom's permission...) and made Bob. He gave Bob clover leaf facial features and added him to the garden. A fine addition, I think.

And that, dear reader, is the fairy tale garden. Farewell!

Daughter of Kings: My Novel

     I was 13 and in the eighth grade, taking a writing class with the local grade school. My classmates and I were told that we would write a story in this class. In November 2016, directly after I finished the Tauriel cosplay, I participated in NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. The writing class called for students to write a 10,000 word story over the course of the month.
     I had been planning the story since August, when I had decided to join the writing class, and it was so exciting to finally begin writing on November 1. As I worked, I had no shortage of words for my beloved characters and plot. By the end of the first day, I had around 2,000 words on my document. I wondered how I was going to sum up the entire story in only 10,000 words. My teacher, however, commented on my progress and said that I could try for the adult NaNoWriMo goal of 50,000 words. So, I did just that.
     As a homeschooler, I was able to finish most of my school day before lunch and declare my story-writing as mandatory schoolwork. It was an assignment for the class, after all. I still remember how I couldn't believe my luck. I got to write part of a story every day for school. I worked fast. Less than a month and around ninety pages later, I found myself typing the final words of this story.
     Needless to say, I had the longest project out of my classmates. Most of them stayed within a reasonable word count. My best friend in the class, however, also went above and beyond with the assignment. Although it had been promised before the whole endeavor, peer-editing did not happen with my project. The peers were intimidated, I think.
     Anyway, my parents read the story and loved it. They suggested that I do something with it. Being a stubborn teenager, I was convinced that there was no way the story could be any good. I spent the next 2 years trying to re-write it and make more suitable to my standards. Last summer, I got around 50 pages completed before I burned out entirely. At that point, I decided it would be in my best interest to pursue another story idea.
     Last February, my younger brother convinced me to let him read the original. He sat in front of the desktop computer reading it for so long that he got in trouble for not getting on with his day in a timely fashion. (We homeschool, so yeah, he was reading about elves and goblins when he really should have been doing math...)
     Anyway, he insisted that it was good and that something really should be done with it. So, we looked into self-publishing, and I went through this whole phase where I read it 2 or 3 times and edited everything I could. Then, I got tired of reading it and trying to screen the text for errors. So, I called it quits and decided that I was really, truly just going to move onto the newer story idea.
     This May, I was faced with some health difficulties. For whatever reason, I immediately decided that my parents and brother were right, after all. Something should be done with the story and fast. My mom and I did one last read-through for me. She read the story aloud to me, as I was really not feeling well/up to reading. Then, on Memorial Day, we finished the read-through; threw together a digital cover that my grandpa and I had designed on paper; obtained a copyright; filled out everything on Amazon KDP; and self-published as an E-book. By the end of the week, my family had also arranged for there to be a paperback version on Amazon.
     I am amazed by the number of readers there have been for this book. Self-publishing has always been a dream and a goal of mine. In 2017, on the idea of self-publishing a novel, I had written, "I hope to accomplish this within the next year with a story I wrote in 2016. By doing so, I would be taking a step into the real world and allowing the real world to come into my version of it. Through this, I would be taking a step towards becoming an author.  This event would define me as it would be the first step on a path I greatly desire to follow."


Anyway, onto the actual story itself. The novel, Daughter of Kings, follows the footsteps of a family from earth after they wind up in a fantasy world. On Amazon, the synopsis states, "A family is separated through a series of unexpected events. Their only hope of reunion is in a battle. As that would mean pain and death, is it safe to hope? Follow Eleanor to see just what happens, and if there really is any hope for this Daughter of Kings and her loved ones."

The link: https://www.amazon.com/Daughter-Kings-Isabella-Auer-ebook/dp/B07S7T9ZBN/ref=sr_1_1?crid=20HH7W9LDDET2&keywords=daughter+of+kings+auer&qid=1560518259&s=gateway&sprefix=daughter+of+ki%2Caps%2C175&sr=8-1

St. Philomena

The Little Known yet "Mighty Princess" Saint

St. Philomena is one of my longtime favorite saints. She has been one the more mysterious saints, and yet, she is one of the most beloved saints. I thought I would share her beautiful story. From

Her name means “Daughter of Light.” When we feel like we are surrounded by darkness, she can bring us to the light of Jesus. I want you to have so much of this light. Her story has inspired me... here is a tip of the great iceberg belonging to this great saint. From Catholic Online, Saints and Angels: 

“Little is known about the life of St. Philomena. However, it is believed she was a Greek princess who became a virgin martyr and died at 13-years-old. Remains of a young lady were discovered in May 1802 at the Catacombs of Priscilla on the Via Salaria Nova with three tiles reading ‘Peace be to you, Philomena.’ All that is known about St. Philomena's life comes from a Neapolitan nun's vision. Sister Maria Luisa di Gesu claims St. Philomena came to her and told her she was the daughter of a Greek king who converted to Christianity. 

"When Philomena was 13-years-old, she took a vow of consecrated virginity. After her father took his family to Rome to make peace, Emperor Diocletian fell in love with Philomena. When she refused to marry him, she was subjected to torture. St. Philomena was scourged, drowned with an anchor attached to her, and shot with arrows. Each time she was attacked angels took to her side and healed her through prayer. Finally, the Emperor had Philomena decapitated. 

"According to the story, her death came on a Friday at three in the afternoon, the same as Jesus. Two anchors, three arrows, a palm symbol of martyrdom, and a flower were found on the tiles in her tomb, interpreted as symbols of her martyrdom. The nun's account states Philomena was born on January 10 and was killed on August 10. Devotion for Philomena began to spread once her bones were exhumed and miracles began to occur. 

"Canon Francesco De Lucia of Mugnano del Cardinale received relics of St. Philomena and had them placed in the Church of Our Lady of Grace in Mugnano, Italy. Soon after her relics were enshrined, cancers were cured, wounds were healed and the Miracle of Mugnano, when Blessed Pauline Jaricot was cured of a severe heart issue overnight, were all attributed to St. Philomena. 

"Other Saints began to venerate Philomena and attributing miracles in their lives to the young martyr, including St. John Marie Vianney and St. Peter Louis Marie Chanel. Although controversy sometimes surrounds the truth behind St. Philomena's life and sainthood, many believers all around the world continue to see her as a miraculous saint, canonized in 1837. 

"St. Philomena is the patron saint of infants, babies, and youth. Her feast day is celebrated on August 11.”

Image from Catholic Online, depicting the Wonderworker saint.

Prayer asking for her intercession, from EWTN. Novena prayer and another depiction:

We beseech Thee, O Lord, to grant us the pardon of our sins by the intercession of Saint Philomena, virgin and martyr, who was always pleasing in Thy sight by her eminent chastity and by the profession of every virtue. Amen. Illustrious virgin and martyr, Saint Philomena, behold me prostrate before the throne whereupon it has pleased the Most Holy Trinity to place thee. Full of confidence in thy protection, I entreat thee to intercede for me with God, from the heights of Heaven deign to cast a glance upon thy humble client! Spouse of Christ, sustain me in suffering, fortify me in temptation, protect me in the dangers surrounding me, obtain for me the graces necessary to me, and in particular (Here specify your petition).  Above all, assist me at the hour of my death. Saint Philomena, powerful with God, pray for us. Amen. O God, Most Holy Trinity, we thank Thee for the graces Thou didst bestow upon the Blessed Virgin Mary, and upon Thy handmaid Philomena, through whose intercession we implore Thy Mercy. Amen.

Sources:

St. Philomena Story

Novena

Suggested: research St. John Vianney and Bl. Pauline Jarichot.

One last thing from Catholic Online that really sums everything up:

St. Philomena, pray for us!